Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
Dinner was often an hour long, talking, eating, etc.. .then poof - everyone went their own direction again.
Yeah, see, for me, dinner if 5-10 minutes. But you don't run away from each other, you get done eating so that you can hang out.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
And hours later? What time did you eat? We were out of school at 3:30, but after I was ten, my mom worked until 5 or later, dad was normally home around 5:45.
I would get home from school around 4:30. Dad would get home around 6:30. So dinner was normally 7:00 - 7:30 if we didn't go out. That's three hours.
Well that's 3 hours where you could have told your mom, but only 30 min for your dad.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
As for food - again, if there is no discussion, then I'll agree, it's not together time, but that seems to be an exception, not the rule in most cases.
I don't know anyone like that at home, never have. If its the rule the exception seems to happen nearly all of the time. People sya that they talk ,but observe them, and they don't.
My daughter and I actively talk right now, while she is gaming and I am writing. And what we are talking about isn't obligatory "do you like that food" or "was that a good show" but talking about the thing that she is doing, rather than talking about something we both passively consumed.
Sure, those conversations are definitely much easier, there is something happening and likely you are offering her suggestions on how to be better, or just simple encouragement.
I don't have kids, so I don't know how normal family with kids life is anymore. Perhaps the food prep person drops the food on the table, everyone arrives, chows and vanishes.. 15 mins tops and it's done. Definitely different from when I was a kid. You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
Even when I was a kid, we were always done eating before my mom even made it ot the table. Food prep always continued until the meal was already done.
Yeah, I've been to other people's homes where that was the case - that always bothered me. In my house, no one ate until everyone was seated.
I hate that. Because someone is always distracted and won't sit down and eat with everyone. So everyone just sits there doing nothing being annoyed.
Well, tells those people to stop being rude! In our case - this was the way my dad liked it. We all sit at dinner, talking about the day, and near future going ons, eating then break.
You could have just talked before dinner, though
I suppose, but then food would have to be delayed while the talking was happening to truly be part of the conversation. Paying attention to the conversation would lead to bad things happening to food or one's self.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
Dinner was often an hour long, talking, eating, etc.. .then poof - everyone went their own direction again.
Yeah, see, for me, dinner if 5-10 minutes. But you don't run away from each other, you get done eating so that you can hang out.
I suppose for us, the time frame I'm really remembering - no one wanted to hang out with the rest of the family... they each wanted to do their own thing. Or it was watching TV, and there's no discussion during the show, and a bit during commercials..
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
My kids tend to do rather adult activities. Like playing Skyrim.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
And hours later? What time did you eat? We were out of school at 3:30, but after I was ten, my mom worked until 5 or later, dad was normally home around 5:45.
I would get home from school around 4:30. Dad would get home around 6:30. So dinner was normally 7:00 - 7:30 if we didn't go out. That's three hours.
Well that's 3 hours where you could have told your mom, but only 30 min for your dad.
Yeah, but dad and I would hang out after dinner. So getting done with dinner quickly meant more time to actually interact.
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@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
But does it lead to conversations that wouldn't happen if you were just hanging out with each other?
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
As for food - again, if there is no discussion, then I'll agree, it's not together time, but that seems to be an exception, not the rule in most cases.
I don't know anyone like that at home, never have. If its the rule the exception seems to happen nearly all of the time. People sya that they talk ,but observe them, and they don't.
My daughter and I actively talk right now, while she is gaming and I am writing. And what we are talking about isn't obligatory "do you like that food" or "was that a good show" but talking about the thing that she is doing, rather than talking about something we both passively consumed.
Sure, those conversations are definitely much easier, there is something happening and likely you are offering her suggestions on how to be better, or just simple encouragement.
I don't have kids, so I don't know how normal family with kids life is anymore. Perhaps the food prep person drops the food on the table, everyone arrives, chows and vanishes.. 15 mins tops and it's done. Definitely different from when I was a kid. You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
Even when I was a kid, we were always done eating before my mom even made it ot the table. Food prep always continued until the meal was already done.
Yeah, I've been to other people's homes where that was the case - that always bothered me. In my house, no one ate until everyone was seated.
I hate that. Because someone is always distracted and won't sit down and eat with everyone. So everyone just sits there doing nothing being annoyed.
Well, tells those people to stop being rude! In our case - this was the way my dad liked it. We all sit at dinner, talking about the day, and near future going ons, eating then break.
You could have just talked before dinner, though
I suppose, but then food would have to be delayed while the talking was happening to truly be part of the conversation. Paying attention to the conversation would lead to bad things happening to food or one's self.
Actually speeds me up.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
My kids tend to do rather adult activities. Like playing Skyrim.
My six year old with a speech problem has talked more in the last 6 months of watching youtube and playing games like Five Nights at Freddy's than he did all of last year (and last year was a really good year for him too!).
My wife and I let him play games like that cause he enjoys them and it teaches him to talk (read and spell too). Seems like a win in my book.
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@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
My kids tend to do rather adult activities. Like playing Skyrim.
My six year old with a speech problem has talked more in the last 6 months of watching youtube and playing games like Five Nights at Freddy's than he did all of last year (and last year was a really good year for him too!).
My wife and I let him play games like that cause he enjoys them and it teaches him to talk (read and spell too). Seems like a win in my book.
Interactive entertainment is SO much better than passive. Better for discussion and family time, better for learning and brain development.
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For us, quality family time is something that we are all involved in together, such as video games, card games, dinner time, or physical activity (soccer or playing in the backyard). I help coach my sons soccer team, which means quality time for him and I. I cheer on my daughter during soccer and, to us, that counts as quality time as well, even though my son would like to go and play on the playground during her games.
I don't typically get home until about 6-6:30. Wife starts dinner when I get home. I settle in and then catch up with the family before dinner. We talk more during dinner and then start getting ready for bed and the next day. Its not much time, but we do value it. If we have something going on that night, then dinner and everything else gets pushed back.
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@black3dynamite said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
Slow down people, Iām trying to read here.
yeah i agree, this is going faster than I can keep up with lol
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I've got the whole family in one space, now. Wife is heating up food for the kids (pancakes and home made veggie sausage), the little one is colouring on the couch with the old one, old one is playing Skyrim, and I'm right behind them watching her play and the other colour (or drawing I guess.) The little one is watching the older one play.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
But does it lead to conversations that wouldn't happen if you were just hanging out with each other?
The idea of just hanging out without a specific activity in mind seems odd to me. Sure it happens, but for me personally, it's pretty rare. The main exception would be purposefully visiting with friends I don't see frequently, but then it kinda falls outside the hanging out because it is generally the specific activity that is planned - to be in close proximity to have conversations to catch up.
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What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
We don't have many hobbies in common. She's globbed onto two of mine, more because it allows her to be involved than her personal desire to do them (travel, OK she likes to travel, but frankly, if I wasn't pushing us, she wouldn't do it, and costuming).
We don't play games together much because I admittedly become frustrated when she wins board games constantly (and I don't desire to win so much so to do something like improve my vocab so I can try to win at scrabble, etc) and she has no desire to play computer games.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
But does it lead to conversations that wouldn't happen if you were just hanging out with each other?
The idea of just hanging out without a specific activity in mind seems odd to me. Sure it happens, but for me personally, it's pretty rare. The main exception would be purposefully visiting with friends I don't see frequently, but then it kinda falls outside the hanging out because it is generally the specific activity that is planned - to be in close proximity to have conversations to catch up.
I think this is something that is always tough to describe. I think about this a lot having kids and wanting quality time with them. What does quality time really mean? Really, there aren't many things that you truly do "together". I mean sure, we might play a game together, we do that a lot, and teaching them or just talking is very much together. But outside of those things, together time means "being together".
Having spent loads of time thinking about this, one of the things that I think is really important with my kids is that I know what they are doing always, I'm involved whenever there is something for me to be involved in, I'm there for them to talk to me or ask questions or just get a hug at any moment, we are always together, etc.
FOr example, my office floor is covered in toys, so that the kids can play at my feet when I work in the office. I can't play with Playmobile with them (I literally can't, I don't understand the way that they play with them) but we are together.
If the kids were at school or I was at the office, we'd not have the "talking to each other all day" thing. But because we are always together, there is always some amount of conversation, continuously.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
