How to Answer Someone Who Doesn't Know Their Question
-
So for some reason that is totally lost on me, my landlord's wife messaged me today and sent me picture of the visible wireless networks she could see. It showed a guest network I'd setup when just playing around with my new router, that I've now turned off, and both the 2.4 and 5GHz versions of my main network. She started freaking out and saying how they only had their network setup and no guest network and told me "you need to explain to me everything you have connected and how it works...it's a bit much A.J." She was asking "why do you have so many wireless connections" and actually said "explain everything to me".
Ok, so I tried to explain I had setup a guest network while playing around with my new router and how my primary network has two separate IDs because it runs on two separate frequencies and basically she has no idea what she's concerned about but she's decided freaking out is the most logical response. Also, I could explain everything to her but she'd be totally lost and even more confused, and probably upset for another unknown reason, than she was at the beginning.
So I turned off the guest network and disabled SSID broadcasting, to which she responded "well, that's stupid, because I know they're there". OMG! WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME?! I have repeatedly asked her what her concern(s) is/are and she will not give me an actual reason. No idea what just happened but I'm pretty sure she's upset with me because her last text was "you do what you want".
-_-'
Ok, so WTF JUST HAPPENED?! All this started because she saw some wireless networks in the area, that were secured, she hadn't seen before, despite they've been up for 6 weeks or more now...UGH!
-
These are SSIDs from your OWN network, nothing to do with theirs and not in any way connected to their equipment?
-
@scottalanmiller said:
These are SSIDs from your OWN network, nothing to do with theirs and not in any way connected to their equipment?
Nope. SSIDs that are on my router and my router alone. She started freaking out because she saw SSIDs in her Windows wireless list she didn't recognize.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
Nope. SSIDs that are on my router and my router alone. She started freaking out because she saw SSIDs in her Windows wireless list she didn't recognize.
And your router does not connect to her network ever?
-
What is your router for? It's just a router without Internet access for learning routing?
-
@scottalanmiller said:
@thanksajdotcom said:
Nope. SSIDs that are on my router and my router alone. She started freaking out because she saw SSIDs in her Windows wireless list she didn't recognize.
And your router does not connect to her network ever?
My router piggybacks off their router, but she knows that. Her husband knows that. I've had two of those exact networks up for over six weeks and she's never said anything...that's why I was confused. This wasn't a new thing. She just probably never noticed before.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
What is your router for? It's just a router without Internet access for learning routing?
No, it's my main router that my entire network runs through.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
My router piggybacks off their router, but she knows that. Her husband knows that. I've had two of those exact networks up for over six weeks and she's never said anything...that's why I was confused. This wasn't a new thing. She just probably never noticed before.
So the answer to the above was an absolute yes and it's obvious why she is upset. What's unclear is why it isn't obvious to you why she is upset and why the answer to the above was a "yes". That it's been there for six weeks isn't a relevant factor, so no idea why that's being mentioned. She just figured out that you are adding access points to her network, now she is upset. Honestly, she is completely justified unless they agreed that you could do so.
That you have a router somewhere doesn't seem part of the equation. This is their network, you've added an access point to it. No wonder she is upset.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
@thanksajdotcom said:
My router piggybacks off their router, but she knows that. Her husband knows that. I've had two of those exact networks up for over six weeks and she's never said anything...that's why I was confused. This wasn't a new thing. She just probably never noticed before.
So the answer to the above was an absolute yes and it's obvious why she is upset. What's unclear is why it isn't obvious to you why she is upset and why the answer to the above was a "yes". That it's been there for six weeks isn't a relevant factor, so no idea why that's being mentioned. She just figured out that you are adding access points to her network, now she is upset. Honestly, she is completely justified unless they agreed that you could do so.
That you have a router somewhere doesn't seem part of the equation. This is their network, you've added an access point to it. No wonder she is upset.
She knew I was doing that. She agreed to it. She had no problem with it. THAT'S what I don't understand.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
She knew I was doing that. She agreed to it. She had no problem with it. THAT'S what I don't understand.
She agreed to additional wireless access points being added, including a guest network? If so, did you explain to her that she had approved it and you were unclear why she was no longer okay with what she had agreed to? If this is purely about her approving and then reneging on that approval then all of the explanation and technical bit is superfluous.
So the question would be.... is this a question about a person who reneged on a decision? If so, learn to write more concisely. That entire question could have been "what to do about people who don't honour their decisions." That it is a technical thing isn't connected to her being mad for something she approved.
Or she didn't know, in which case she could not have approved.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
@thanksajdotcom said:
She knew I was doing that. She agreed to it. She had no problem with it. THAT'S what I don't understand.
She agreed to additional wireless access points being added, including a guest network? If so, did you explain to her that she had approved it and you were unclear why she was no longer okay with what she had agreed to? If this is purely about her approving and then reneging on that approval then all of the explanation and technical bit is superfluous.
So the question would be.... is this a question about a person who reneged on a decision? If so, learn to write more concisely. That entire question could have been "what to do about people who don't honour their decisions." That it is a technical thing isn't connected to her being mad for something she approved.
Or she didn't know, in which case she could not have approved.
The guest network was never used, and I'd just setup that up while playing with my new router and forgotten to disable it. And no, I did not try explaining that that. The reason is she would have confused herself even more.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
@thanksajdotcom said:
She knew I was doing that. She agreed to it. She had no problem with it. THAT'S what I don't understand.
She agreed to additional wireless access points being added, including a guest network? If so, did you explain to her that she had approved it and you were unclear why she was no longer okay with what she had agreed to? If this is purely about her approving and then reneging on that approval then all of the explanation and technical bit is superfluous.
So the question would be.... is this a question about a person who reneged on a decision? If so, learn to write more concisely. That entire question could have been "what to do about people who don't honour their decisions." That it is a technical thing isn't connected to her being mad for something she approved.
Or she didn't know, in which case she could not have approved.
It's also possible she didn't actually understand the situation and is just misunderstanding everything, which is the most likely understanding.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
The guest network was never used, and I'd just setup that up while playing with my new router and forgotten to disable it. And no, I did not try explaining that that. The reason is she would have confused herself even more.
But put yourself in her shoes, suddenly there is guest access to HER network. I'd not be thrilled either.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
It's also possible she didn't actually understand the situation and is just misunderstanding everything, which is the most likely understanding.
Since you don't have the best relationship with your landlords I highly recommend:
- Get this stuff in writing if it is that important
- Or don't do any of this stuff, it's not worth the hassle
-
Did she explicitly agree to letting you have new access points on her network? You tend to not answer questions with a clear yes or no. I can't tell if she actually said this was okay and reneged or if she said you could have a router or something similar and you didn't actually get an access point approved.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
Did she explicitly agree to letting you have new access points on her network? You tend to not answer questions with a clear yes or no. I can't tell if she actually said this was okay and reneged or if she said you could have a router or something similar and you didn't actually get an access point approved.
When I set this all up, I informed them I was just piggybacking my router off theirs but that was just for internet access. My network would have its own network name, IP scheme, wireless, etc. I explained all that. Nothing was put in writing. I will say I discussed most of this with her husband though. So I suppose it's possible the message never got relayed.
-
@thanksajdotcom said:
When I set this all up, I informed them I was just piggybacking my router off theirs but that was just for internet access. My network would have its own network name, IP scheme, wireless, etc. I explained all that. Nothing was put in writing. I will say I discussed most of this with her husband though. So I suppose it's possible the message never got relayed.
If he really knew that there would be wireless (and approved) and she is going behind his back, then your issue is dealing with that. The technical aspects are easy to feel like they are involved, but it is about spouses who are not communicating or don't agree with each other and not about your actions.
-
@scottalanmiller said:
@thanksajdotcom said:
When I set this all up, I informed them I was just piggybacking my router off theirs but that was just for internet access. My network would have its own network name, IP scheme, wireless, etc. I explained all that. Nothing was put in writing. I will say I discussed most of this with her husband though. So I suppose it's possible the message never got relayed.
If he really knew that there would be wireless (and approved) and she is going behind his back, then your issue is dealing with that. The technical aspects are easy to feel like they are involved, but it is about spouses who are not communicating or don't agree with each other and not about your actions.
Yeah, he probably never told her and she's a weird duck as it is...then again, so is he...
-
Setting up Guest networks are against the Terms of most residential connections anyway.
-
@thanksajdotcom This is going to end badly. I think it's time to start looking for a new apartment. Your going to ruin a friendship over this.
