Witnessing Sexual Harassment



  • I just got back from setting up new copiers in municipal courts and I met with this sleasey looking rep. He had a weird uncle type of vibe. Shook hands slightly too long, didn't understand personal space. All of it. I notice when I arrived that he had found the prettiest girl in the courts system and was sitting so close to her he their knees were touching. I happen to know the woman and she is a very nice person, but is also very timid. I have seen her enough to know that she is very uncomfortable. I used her computer to RUI into the copier to try to break it up and he just moved to wherever she moved. She is married (which she brought up 6 or 7 times in conversation) and so is the rep just as an aside. Anyway, I finished doing the install and dragged him around with me to get him away from her. When we came back and I said he wasn't needed anymore he walked up to this woman and held his hand out to shake her hand. He was telling what an amazing woman she is etc etc etc. It was like a 30 second handshake. He then took her hand and kissed it. As he did this she cringed. He then normally shook the hand of a much less attractive woman in the same office. After he left she thanked me for separating them and said that he is extremely creepy and weird.

    Seeing this happen really upset me. I understand that ultimately this is up to her to report, but when you are not directly involved what is the best course of action? Can I call this guy out for being a creep? I'm not sure if it's professional to do that or if I should even consider what is professional in the face of something like this.

    @Minion-Queen



  • I would notify HR ASAP!! Do it on her behalf. If you witness something like this always report it. As a woman I would avoid reporting things like this because, it would cause problems for me to be the one to report etc.



  • @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.

    What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?



  • @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.

    What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?

    This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.

    What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?

    This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.

    Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.



  • @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.

    What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?

    This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.

    Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.

    I think it would be weird if I offered and then just did it without waiting for her to reply, but unless I'm given a very good reason not to (which I can't imagine what that would be) I will report it. I honestly would've felt so justified to knock this guys teeth out.



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Makes sense. People like that piss me off.



  • Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.

    Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.

    What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?

    This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.

    Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.

    I think it would be weird if I offered and then just did it without waiting for her to reply, but unless I'm given a very good reason not to (which I can't imagine what that would be) I will report it. I honestly would've felt so justified to knock this guys teeth out.

    I'd report it regardless. It wasn't just her that it effected.

    A crime is a crime... if you see somebody shoot someone else dead, would you ask the dead guy's relative before reporting it?



  • @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.



  • @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .



  • @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.



  • @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.



  • @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    I would notify HR ASAP!! Do it on her behalf. If you witness something like this always report it. As a woman I would avoid reporting things like this because, it would cause problems for me to be the one to report etc.

    I'd call the copier company and ask to speak to the Sales Manager (hopefully not the guy who came to visit you) or that company's HR department. Then tell the person what happened.



  • @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.

    I think we've all felt uncomfortable with someone flirting. I'll admit that women deal with it much more frequently. It doesn't feel good and it makes you feel very uncomfortable.

    However I think it's s bit extreme to say he was contributing to the act.

    I personally would not report it because no one was physically touched or hurt. Although there might have been a handkiss which was over the line. That is where the damage ends. It's not really your decision to make. Because stuff like this can affect people's view on the woman and could even affect possible promotions. Should it affect this stuff? No, but guess what it does. People might see her as a tattle tale or something.

    Minor infraction with no real benefit I'm reporting it. She won't see the guy ever again, likely.



  • You are affecting somebody's ( the woman) perception by her peers and their career for something that will be forgotten about tomorrow.

    Basically there's some risk to little or no reward. Guy you'll never see again gets fired (which probably won't happen).

    The fact is she will be seen differently and her coworkers may be afraid to even smile. Thus kind of stuff happens at work. Ive heard of people not trusting someone involved in one of these cases.



  • In my friends case it was never as overt as the creep Wired saw.



  • @irj said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    You are affecting somebody's ( the woman) perception by her peers and their career for something that will be forgotten about tomorrow.

    Basically there's some risk to little or no reward. Guy you'll never see again gets fired (which probably won't happen).

    The fact is she will be seen differently and her coworkers may be afraid to even smile. Thus kind of stuff happens at work. Ive heard of people not trusting someone involved in one of these cases.

    This is essentially my worry. I don't want to complicate her life. It really needs to be her choice. I happen to know some of the challenges she faces in life just due to working with her and having casual conversation. I don't think sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable is the right way to go either. It's a hard situation.



  • @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.

    It's not as simple as that. There is a woman I know who works for the city. The company I work for has explained not to talk to her unless its absolutely necessary because she is in the process of suing her boss for sexual harassment (she claims he touched her chest). The immediate assumption of the people I work for is that she is lying and could do the same to us. Maybe she's lying. Maybe she's not. I don't know. What I do know is that my bosses shouldn't have an opinion of it because they were not there to witness what happened.

    This happens to be something I saw and can do something about, but like I said--sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable isn't right either.



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.

    It's not as simple as that. There is a woman I know who works for the city. The company I work for has explained not to talk to her unless its absolutely necessary because she is in the process of suing her boss for sexual harassment (she claims he touched her chest). The immediate assumption of the people I work for is that she is lying and could do the same to us. Maybe she's lying. Maybe she's not. I don't know. What I do know is that my bosses shouldn't have an opinion of it because they were not there to witness what happened.

    This happens to be something I saw and can do something about, but like I said--sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable isn't right either.

    And the reality is, it probably will...



  • @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.

    It's not as simple as that. There is a woman I know who works for the city. The company I work for has explained not to talk to her unless its absolutely necessary because she is in the process of suing her boss for sexual harassment (she claims he touched her chest). The immediate assumption of the people I work for is that she is lying and could do the same to us. Maybe she's lying. Maybe she's not. I don't know. What I do know is that my bosses shouldn't have an opinion of it because they were not there to witness what happened.

    This happens to be something I saw and can do something about, but like I said--sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable isn't right either.

    Unfortunately this is the same kind of situation I have seen before. She will likely be treated differently the rest of the time she works there. It isn't right, but unfortunately it is reality.

    That is why you cannot make the decision for your co-worker.



  • @irj said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant

    So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.

    There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .

    He wasn't participating.

    Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.

    It's not as simple as that. There is a woman I know who works for the city. The company I work for has explained not to talk to her unless its absolutely necessary because she is in the process of suing her boss for sexual harassment (she claims he touched her chest). The immediate assumption of the people I work for is that she is lying and could do the same to us. Maybe she's lying. Maybe she's not. I don't know. What I do know is that my bosses shouldn't have an opinion of it because they were not there to witness what happened.

    This happens to be something I saw and can do something about, but like I said--sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable isn't right either.

    Unfortunately this is the same kind of situation I have seen before. She will likely be treated differently the rest of the time she works there. It isn't right, but unfortunately it is reality.

    That is why you cannot make the decision for your co-worker.

    Right. No justice in the world unfortunately.



  • Baseball bat in parking garage. That's how we solve these things in Europe. Unfortunately in US, country with 5% of world population and 95% of world's lawyers population, you would get sued for everything you got.



  • @marcinozga said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    Baseball bat in parking garage. That's how we solve these things in Europe. Unfortunately in US, country with 5% of world population and 95% of world's lawyers population, you would get sued for everything you got.

    That's what I call doing the right thing the wrong way, something my younger self would do. Pain is temporary, but losing your career job isn't.



  • That guy is a lowlife. How I would have handled it would have been to confronted him right then and there and put him in his little place. I wouldn't have done it in front of her but I would have dragged the guy into a private room and called him out on it to his face. People's lives are not perfect, they might not have the right people in life to teach them respect for the other gender. You could be this person. Also, maybe because I was a prison guard for 6 years and I don't mind confrontation and I am 6'5" tall, is why I would do this. I am also the type that is protective of the people I know (men or women, especially if I feel they are being taken advantage of). I can be an imposing figure. If I wasn't getting through to him I would have finally stated to him that I was a prison guard at a maximum security prison and the supervisor of the supermax unit and you don't want to get on my bad side. That if he continues I will talk to his employer and do everything in my power to see that he is no longer employed by them.



  • @penguinwrangler said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    That guy is a lowlife. How I would have handled it would have been to confronted him right then and there and put him in his little place. I wouldn't have done it in front of her but I would have dragged the guy into a private room and called him out on it to his face. People's lives are not perfect, they might not have the right people in life to teach them respect for the other gender. You could be this person. Also, maybe because I was a prison guard for 6 years and I don't mind confrontation and I am 6'5" tall, is why I would do this. I am also the type that is protective of the people I know (men or women, especially if I feel they are being taken advantage of). I can be an imposing figure. If I wasn't getting through to him I would have finally stated to him that I was a prison guard at a maximum security prison and the supervisor of the supermax unit and you don't want to get on my bad side. That if he continues I will talk to his employer and do everything in my power to see that he is no longer employed by them.

    I definitely thought about that after the fact. I should have said something. I was just told that we are getting a third copier at this site. If he tries this again (which I'm betting he will) I will say something to him.



  • @wirestyle22

    I think your blinded by your feelings to this women, and her looks.

    At the end of the day there are many millions of women out there, cute and not cute. my point is dont help people that dont want or afraid to help themselves, it is total different scenario if she requested help/assistance but if not dont get involved.

    Yo never know, maybe she is benefiting something. even if she was not benefiting, she needs to speak up . does she have working mouth and legs and hands, if she is handicapped that is another thing, if not forget it. dont get involved.

    Your not gona be there for her everytime in future will you



  • @emad-r said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:

    @wirestyle22

    I think your blinded by your feelings to this women, and her looks.

    At the end of the day there are many millions of women out there, cute and not cute. my point is dont help people that dont want or afraid to help themselves, it is total different scenario if she requested help/assistance but if not dont get involved.

    Yo never know, maybe she is benefiting something. even if she was not benefiting, she needs to speak up . does she have working mouth and legs and hands, if she is handicapped that is another thing, if not forget it. dont get involved.

    Your not gona be there for her everytime in future will you

    Your assumption is immediately that she is benefiting from a situation she is clearly disgusted by? Where in the description of what happened did you get that from? Why is there zero blame in your post when it comes to the guy?
    Would you make these kinds of excuses for this guy if the girl were your daughter?

    It's insane that women are blamed for situations like this. I was there. I saw exactly what happened.



  • @wirestyle22 while everything is likely truly as you think it is, you also jumped to the assumption that you did with out talking to anyone that was present.

    You are completely coloring this event with your own perspective and that is not correct.

    Facts and not emotion are all that matter.

    Your perception of what this person did is not likely the perception of the person next to you.


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